people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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