I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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