I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
