Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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