don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
