If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
