Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
