I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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