Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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