i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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