Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
