So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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