Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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