I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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