god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
