Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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