Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
birth control should be required to get into college
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
