Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
