Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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