check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
