I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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