Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
