my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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