she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
