i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
