I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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