i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
