I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
