I'm really into asian looking animals
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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