drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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