Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
