I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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