don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
