im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
