Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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