u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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