Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
