so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
