(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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