Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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