I seem to have left my pride at pride
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
