Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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