I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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