You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I could fuck to npr.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
