I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
