is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
