woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
