she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
