Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
