awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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