I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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