John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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