I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
