You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just pee around me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
