I can't watch pbs sober anymore
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
