She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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