I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
