my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
