who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
