my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
