DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
