I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
