I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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