she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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