you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
