Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
