Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
