Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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