we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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