tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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