I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
