im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
