Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
