i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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