...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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