Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
