Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
