We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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