did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
